Grieving All Over Again

I know I said I wouldn't write again, but thigns have changed in my life. I fell in love with Songstress, asked her to marry me, she said yes. Then through my foolishness I lost her..... God took her from me. She did not pass away.... but to me it's like she has. I think about what it was like when my late wife passed, that pain was dull because I was so numb. Recent events have opened my heart to feel for the first time in 15 years. I mean really feel.

Now the pain is great that I don't know if I can bear to stand it. I read her blog..... he posted a song from an artist we used to listen to together. "Lesson Learned" it broke me so that i had to choke back the tears as I write this at work. In 4 months time I have lost two loves..... this last one may even hurt more then the passing of my wife because it was sudden and not prolonged. It is sharp and biting, my heart now feels it all, I'm not callous as I was before. I grieve for my son too, he is losing a mother again and even though he doesn't know it I do. Songstress was goign to adopt him, and love him as her own. I broke her heart with my foolishness, I hurt my son, broke God's heart, and now I am left to pick up the pieces of my life once again....... so soon after I cleaned up the mess. Those shards of glass have found a place to reside..... deep in the recesses of my heart.