Considering Changes

I'm back to considering some drastic changes in my life. I know you're not supposed to make life altering decisions after something tragic has happened but right now I need to talk out loud. Losing Songstress has crushed me so deeply. We were going to be married on the 26th of April, almost 3 months away. I still do not have my son home with me, and I won't be seeing him this weekend, not until next. 3 weeks in between visits, 3 weeks too long. it has been almost 4 months since he's been home with me. He left not too long after my late wife went into a coma, that was in late September. I feel like I'm losing my son, and now since I've lost Songstress I have no one to turn to about it. My son is clinging to my parents, especially my dad. They're nearly inseperable, and now I jeopardized giving my son a stable life like he's used to.

I'm considering selling my home and moving away to live where my parents live. I'll miss my church and all my friends but my I'll be near my son. I can give him the life he deserves, one that is stable with both a mother and a father figure. He's been without a mother for so long, he doesn't remember his birth mother at all. He does remember me, I can't tell you the pain I feel when I drive away or watching him leave. I used to call Songstress right afterwards and she's console me, now I have no one again..... all alone. Did things move too fast with Songstress? No.... everyone even our pastor endorsed it, I'm young and given the situation of my wife's passing it allowed me to grieve and move on. It ended because of my foolishness...... and now all I want to do is run away and hide from the world. Will God ever allow us to reconcile together and be married? I don't think so, but I pray about it morning, noon, and night pleading for His mercy, asking for a second chance. Only time will tell....... I don't know where I'll be.