Why I Hate Grieving

Grieving royally sucks, sorry if you didn't know I'm a man who doesn't sugar-coat things. I like to get right to the point. Grieving sucks because it strips me of being productive, passionate, focused, and robs me of vision. I have an addictive personality, at least I'm man enough to admit it. I find something I enjoy and it consumes me at times. Everything from video games, books, the market, career planning, hobbies, you name it I've found it addicting (I never was addicted to alcohol or drugs so I was spared there) I found something and I dove headfirst into it. Researched it, studied it, wanted to know everything about it and then walked it out. Played video games for hours to accomplish everything I could in the game. Read books on a topic until I felt I had I firm grasp on it. Jumped into hobbies and learned everything I could about it. I'm a creature of habit, and I don't like to stray from it. For instance when I get a soda or water from somewhere that needs a lid I have to push down all the bubbles on my drink and those whoa re with me.... it's a habit, it's an addiction. So now that I'm fully engrossed in my grieving my day has no ritual, no habit, I'm thrown off course. I want to get over this, I want to fastrack through it, but I know if I do I'll just screw myself down the road by prolonging the agony. I want to look myself in the mirror every morning and tell myself to "Nut Up!" (yea I said Nut Up!, you heard me) To tell myself to grow some stones and get on with life, but then I realize I am getting on with life. Grieving for the loss of my wife is getting on with life, it's a stage of my life I tried to avoid, it's okay to go through whatever I'm going through because I lost the woman I love ever so deeply, the mother to my son. We fought side-by-side for years, and now I fight alone. It's okay to feel this way and to rest in this time. Let grief run it's course, so that I can wake up one day look at myself in the mirror and say "Now..... it's time to live again." Until then..... Grieving Still Sucks~!