Still Holding

Not too long after I wrote the last post I received an e-mail from my pastor talking about how there is a possibility of reconciliation between Songstress and I. Can I tell you I nearly fell out of my chair. Then something else just as wonderful happened...... she called me.

We talked until early this morning, she mostly dogged me for how much I hurt her..... I sat there taking it, fighting off tears of both hurt and joy. The woman I love is talking to me, even if she was calling me a "jerk" and telling me that " I sucked" and "wasn't cool" it didn't matter, I could hear her voice, even when she didn't talk I knew she was there.

I'm still holding on to that mustard seed, holding on to the little I have left, but that's all I need. So where do me and Songstress stand? We're two seperate individuals, no plans for marriage, not engaged, but there is a possibility that we can begin again. She's very hurt and very angry at me, she doesn't know if she can trust me but I believe over time that can change. Time can heal the heart, I know it can, I'm proof.

If you're just joining us here, take the time to read about Songstress in my earlier posts. Look on the left hand side of the screen, you'll see things dating back to Nov. After my late wife passed on I didn't think I'd ever remarry, who could measure up to such a wonderful woman as she was. Little did I know that God made this woman especially for me, she turned my life on it's ear I didn't know I could love so deeply. She had just broken up with her boyfriend of 5 years 5 months prior to our first date (I call him a Mama's Boy Panty Waste because over a 5 year time span he never married Songstress, that guy hasn't a clue what he has missed out on. This woman is the total package...... she's a precious jewel, a rare and priceless find). She was everything I needed, even if I didn't know I needed it. You see she is what I affectionately call "My Little Social Activist". She's out the save the world by herself, she's not the kind of woman who demands a Jaguar, Mercedes, and Gucci. She wants to travel to remote places in the world and rescue the lost. I began to think to myself why is a corporate man like myself who would rather vacation at a 5-star resort with a woman who doesn't mind bathing out of a bucket and sleeping on the floor of a grass hut together? Little did I know that I needed a woman like her to accomplish what I want to do. She's a social worker, and I have a mission to break the back of poverty, to feed thousands, clothe and house thousands...... who better to help me get it done then a social worker. Now we could be business partners only, but I love her too much to just work with her 9-5.

She was made especially for me, I need her. It takes a special woman to love a widower, and to love his son as her own. So if I am given a chance to be with her once again....now that I understand exactly how perfect she is for me I'll cherish her even the more. I thought that I saw her for how wonderful she was before, but now I can see beyond what I could see before. So I stand here holding on, I'll keep you updated.

FYI - To whoever posted that link to Jeremy Camp I appreciate it. Funny thing I have his latest CD 'Carried Me' and I've been listening to it alot lately, I recommend it to anyone.