Okay, can someone please explain to me why we as human beings exhibit destructive behavior? I would really like to know. Okay I'll start with myself and maybe if anyone out there actually reads what I am writing or comes across this site can help explain to me destructive behavior. It is illogical behavior because you only screw yourself. I'll use myself as an example. I'm not the world's healthiest eater, actually I could stand to lose a good 15-20 and trim myself up (I'd love to get my lazy behind up early every morning and hit the gym, get myself as cut and toned as I was 7 years ago but once I get my son back I can't very well leave him at home alone...back to the point). When my late wife got sick I did alot of research on herbs, supplements, and healthy eating. I started cutting out soda (high fructose corn syrup especially, terrible stuff, I've become somewhat of a label reader), desserts, candy, and junk/snack foods. I started walking the dog every night taking brisk walks. I cut milk out of my diet (not all dairy though) and switched to whole wheat pastas (I like it much better anyways). I'm a tea drinker, and I even switched my chocolate to 70% cocoa because of the flavanoids and health properties. I'm a big proponent of juice, grape, cranberry, and pomegranate. There are no resh vegetables in my fridge, not even carrots which coupled with blue cheese dressing is one of my favorite snacks. So why did I fall off the wagon?
I haven't eaten a salad in who knows when, I've been drinking soda, less water, and less green teas. Guess what my breakfast was this morning? Potato chips and a donut! I brought a soda with me for lunch, and yesterday I had Arby's ham melt and a 10pc jalapeno poppers (I HATE fast food). Oh yea and then there was McDonald's late the other night (NASTY!), and a Klondike bar last night. Can't remember the last time I did a sit-up or a push-up (been over a week). Let's see what else.....oh yea I don't sleep much anymore, stay up too late. I don't read hardly ever, my prayer life isn't as strong as before, and my study of the Bible has taken a dip. I don't work as hard as I used to on my own personal business, and I haven't written anything worthwhile in months. I recognize all of this behavior and yet I don't really care right now to change it, so what triggered all of this in my life where I just don't give a rip? You'd think I' want to improve myself not only for a potential new mate, but also for my own well-being.
Human nature is very odd, it's not so black-and-white......and that doesn't work for me.
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2 comments:
So is it this Songstress woman that is having such a horrible effect on you? Sounds serious that you aren't getting enough sleep, and especially your study of the Bible and prayer life are not what they used to be.
Actually she is having an effect on me but it is my inability to properly grieve my wife that is hindering me. I'm not being honest with myself and letting everything process and it's starting to root in my life and effect other areas. I'll touch on it more in depth in one of my posts.
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