Making a Decision

This will be the second post today... something I want to get off my chest before the weekend. For the last 6 months I've struggled in my decision making, something I've never done before. I've always been strong in decision making, even if it's the wrong one. Once I chose something I stick with it, good or bad I don't like turning back on it. For the last 6 months I've wavered about where I'm going to be. There are 4 places in my mind, two are fleeting choices, weak in comparison of the other two. Denver and San Diego both are places I'd love to live, but I probably wouldn't move there. Where I am now, and Madison are the two front runners. I met with my Pastor on Wednesday, something I've been doing just about every week for the last 5-6 months. He's my mentor, tells me like it is yet allows me to discover things on my own. he's been watching me go through changes, watching me fight the grieving process. Now I'm letting it all out and it's brought me to a crucial junction. Do I stay, or do I go. I won't get into the logistics, but needless to say I've decided to stay. My Pastor told me that I need to stop running from grieving, stop running from the memories of my wife, I need to learn to embrace them and honor them, and so I shall. I told you about the Iris' (FYI not coming until August/September...... I wish I had known that earlier!!!!) there are a few other things I need to do. First thing is to add a few more pictures in the home. One's of the three of us, her and my son, and those of her work. Songstress called me the other day and told me of a great idea. a friend of hers made a quilt out of someones old clothing, a way to remember that person. She thought my son might like that. You see while in the hospital undergoing her bone marrow transplant my wife received a quilt of silk screened pictures of our son, it was hung up on the wall so she could see it everyday. I think I'm going to memorialize her in that way too. It's time to honor my wife's memory, her legacy, her life. It's time for me to make some decisions about mine. I joke with Songstress all the time about decisions, I say in a joking manner that we're going to do something because ".... I'm a man, and when I make decisions things happen!" It's time for things to happen in my life, it's time to embrace all that was and is my wife; to grieve my loss and to honor her life. The flowers in the front lawn, the photos of her, and her work that she was most proud of as am I all of these things remind me of her...... and that's just fine with me.