Dealing with Death

I got a call last night from Songstress, one of her friends from high school passed away after a long bout with cancer. She was quite broken up about it, it hit her pretty hard because she's dealt with alot of death in her life the last several years. From the loss of a cousin, to the loss of friends and relatives of friends. Songstress was a friend of my late wife and myself, she came and visited us in the hospital when my spouse was getting her bone marrow transplant. I don't know if I ever told her, but that meant so much to me that she would go out of her way to spend time with us. Not alot of people came to see my wife, she was in isolation for over a month, but Songstress ventured out to see her. Visiting hospitals was something that I always dreaded, death hovers over that place like a cloud, sickness in every room, and hope is smothered in fear and pain. Here she was braving all that to see to it that my wife had a visitor that day, it really touched me.

Before Songstress and I got involved (we're not really involved I don't think, nothing is official we're more like friends with feelings, it's complicated) we were friends, fellow church members. Now she needs a friend, and I don't know what to do.

I know first hand about grief and loss. I had lost a child (we miscarried before birthing Little Dog), and I had lost a wife. I know what grief and loss can do to your mental and physical state, and I see what it's been doing to Songstress and even though I've been through it I don't think I'm helping. You see when you dwell so much on death, and you grieve so often you mind begins to take you down roads you have no business being on. I think it was the day of the funeral, or maybe before several people came to my house. We sat in my living room talking and joking around, laughing and telling stories. I never told them but that was such a time of joy for me, it lifted the heaviness off my shoulders, even just for a little while. I've heard stories of people who have grieved so deeply that they've died of no apparent illness. I don't think Songstress is going to grieve that deeply, but I know if you grieve too long, or if you stay down too long that it begins to negatively affect you, emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Sometimes I look at the way I relate to Songstress and I catch myself trying to protect her. I'm a very protective person by nature, and I have feelings of helplessness when I can't protect someone. My son fell down the stairs a few months back, I watched as his little body tumbled down. In a matter of seconds he was off running and laughing, I on the other hand was a wreck. I was supposed to be there for him to make sure he didn't harm himself. I would watch sometimes as my late wife had bone marrow biopsies done, I wanted to take her place, but all I could do is watch. I'm having to watch a friend go through some trying times, and I want to rescue and protect her. I'm afraid of something bad happening to her, but I have to realize that I can't save everyone. Even though I think I'm a Superman, I'm not a saviour.