Makes Me Wonder

I celebrated Thanksgiving with my family tonight, and my brother's girlfriend joined us. This got me thinking........ will I ever be in that situation again? I know it may seem odd at this time to be thinking about that, but my mind has been going down that road lately. Eventually I'm going to be open to dating again, and I don't want to be alone the rest of my life, but what are the chances of finding someone who is going to fulfill me and make me happy the rest of my natural life?

I never thought I'd be in this position, ever. I wasn't supposed to be, I got married and for me it was going to be until death do us part........ and it was sooner then I thought. See my wife and I had this arrangement, I was to die first because I couldn't be alone by myself I lacked the skill set to do so. I had become so dependent upon her for everything, I would be completely lost without her. Harvard did a study that said men feel as if they've been "dismembered" when their spouse passes. They can function, just not as well.

I feel dismembered, but I'd like to not feel that way all my life. Do I need a woman to make me happy? No, absolutely not. Having a wife is a privilege, they are to be cherished, loved, cared for, and adored. I'd like to have that type of intimacy and relationship again one day. Finding it in this world is a bit difficult. Especially when you have no clue how to meet people.

I'm not a drinker so bar's are out (bad idea anyways), I've done the online thing (that's how my wife and I met) but I don't want to try that again. I go to church a lot (I'm a Deacon) but church isn't a meat market I'm not there to meet women, I'm there to serve God.

I wonder when I'll be ready...... I wonder what the rest of my life will be like. Will I live alone, or will I find love again? I would prefer the later. You may wonder why I'm talking about this now. Well, my spouse was sick for 4 years, and she didn't have the strength to be the wife I needed her to be. She did her best, and always tried to be who I needed. She put herself out there many times, too far then she should have probably. There were many times where I was a caretaker and not a husband because she couldn't receive me as a husband. I've wonder what it would be like to be married to a healthy woman at the maturity I am now. I guess we'll see what happens in the months and years to come.